Is It Shallow To Go For Looks?

This post on good looks and being shallow was originally written and published on 16/03/2008 on my old site, ‘The God Is You’, and may conflict with my current philosophy.

AS A MAN who appreciates beautiful women, my oft-wandering eye is regularly met with disapproval and remarks such as “She’s not a piece of meat!” or “There’s more to a woman than her looks!” or “She’s probably a bitch!”, such is society’s general perception of physically attractive women.

The average spectator’s first reaction to any display of visual desire for something – human (sexual), material or natural (not so much) – is always one of haughty disapproval coupled with a self-righteous, indiscriminate labelling of the ‘looker’ as non-spiritual, superficial, heartless and ’shallow’. But what does it mean to be shallow? A dictionary definition enlightens, as usual…

Lacking depth of intellect, emotion, or knowledge.

So What Does This Mean, Exactly? (This Is Interesting)

So to prejudge someone as being shallow in light of an admirer’s approval of someone for their good looks is to assume that this is where the qualifying of a potential partner stops. As the definition states, to qualify someone based solely on their looks is to be indifferent toward that person’s personality, the looks being enough to satisfy one’s evident lack of intellectual depth and emotion. To the humanpreneur, though, having good looks is merely a foot in a door – a big foot in the door for an physical attractive woman, and a minor step for a good looking man.

When it comes to physical beauty, men and women are similar in that they are attracted to it, but that’s where the similarities end. If a woman is physically attractive, it’s a big plus in the eyes of admiring men. Further, interestingly, generally, a woman’s self confidence is directly proportionate to her looks. The more beautiful the woman, the more life-smart she is likely to be.

The Curse Of Beauty For Women…

Women of beauty, from an early age, have had a lot of attention growing up which they quickly build upon and turn into self-awareness, self confidence and guile. With good looking men, there is no such correlation. Handsome men are not as sought after professionally or emotionally as beautiful women. For men, a strong, dominant, ambitious personality, along with humour, social intuition, wealth, good health and good social value – are more vital characteristics for life progression and the attracting of women.

For an attractive man, when he approaches an attractive woman, his good looks are merely a foot in the door and that’s it. If the man hasn’t got the chops to back it up, he’s toast – and the more beautiful the woman, the quicker he’ll likely fry, since her value will likely be superior to his. Value attracts equal value, so a high value male will likely attract equally high value females.

And, interestingly, since beautiful, feminine looks are important as far as men’s idea of their ideal women are concerned (for evolutionary reasons of their likelihood of bearing beautiful, healthy offspring), and since women of beauty generally ‘have their shit together’, a man of high value will most likely be seen with a beautiful woman/women. So the level of beauty of a man’s female partner is a good barometer of his self confidence and value.

A Mixed-Up Idea (That Is Unfortunately Common)

Conversely, when a good looking man has a female partner whom isn’t particularly attractive, he is labelled as not being shallow – the ugliness of a woman serving as as an indicator of the level of a man’s genuineness: the uglier the woman, the more genuine the man is perceived to be. Meaning that he must actually be with the woman because of her personality, since she is ugly enough not to be attractive to men.

But this would be to assume that he was in fact attracted to her personality. Who’s to say he is not with her for another reason entirely? Such is the prejudice of the ignorant. The truth is that the man with the unattractive partner is most probably lacking in confidence, or has low self esteem.

Some men will often say they are not attracted to overly attractive girls – often referring to them as ‘Barbie girls’ – as a defence and unwitting admission that they are not high value enough for these girls and, in fact, are intimidated both by them AND the attainment of higher value. They settle for an average, unattractive girl, and hence concede – lying to themselves – that the beauty and brilliance out there that they desire deep down is for ‘the lucky few’ and not for them.

We ALL Like To Tick Boxes… Tell Me YOU Don’t!

Men and women tick boxes when sizing up potential partners, whether they know it or not. Looks are generally top of the list for men – including me – when qualifying women. I mean, in a crowded room – and with limited time – a woman’s obvious good looks allow me to immediately tick the first box before then moving on to the next criterion.

Next on the list of what men look for are things like age (a man’s genes have more chance of replicating with a younger, fitter woman), hip-to-waste ratio, femininity, among others. Women place leadership and social status top, so she – and any potential offspring – will be adequately protected. This is why you can find ugly men with beautiful women. Thus answering that age old question, “What is she doing with him?”

The more boxes someone ticks, the higher their value. Value attracts equal value. A beautiful woman climbs into the passenger seat of a man’s expensive sports car – is she after his money? Is he after her looks? Of course, he is after her looks. But as long as he is a humanpreneur, he’ll be with her for more than just her good looks.

What Sports Cars Say About Men

The expensive sports car is a symbol of the man’s wealth and a reflection of his likely high social position and with it signals to the woman his probable ability to provide for a potential family and therefore represents high value to the woman. That’s why the woman can be found getting into the sports car – unless she is a golddigger, of course. Similarly, an ambitious man that is at the early stages of his path to success, striving to tick his boxes, can be of equally high quality, since he’s on his way. This, too, is attractive to women.

In conclusion, then – yes, it is shallow if looks are your only criterion in assessing your potential intimate partners. But it is also an admission of low value. I’ve said it many times – VALUE ATTRACTS VALUE. Build your value, and attract what you then deserve. Because there really is more to looks. If you’re willing to look.

To freedom,

Scotty Stevens
The Humanpreneur
"mecum et incipio et finio"

Disclaimer: As per my Terms And Conditions, this post reflects my philosophy at the time of writing, and may not necessarily correlate with my life's outlook as you read it, now.

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