Is It Right To Play The Field?

This post on playing the field was originally written and published on 02/03/2008 on my old site, ‘The God Is You’, and may conflict with my current philosophy.

AS A MAN who does, my answer is often met with disapproval when asked why I haven’t got – or am not ready for – a permanent girlfriend. Society has been taught that there is one person for each of us. It has also taught us that if you are too discriminating in your quest for that right one, you’re bad; their favouring a more ‘choose the first one that comes along’ approach over that of the ’slutty’, going through the numbers approach, apparent reason enough for their ‘moral’ superiority.

But to accept the first one that comes along as your ideal permanent partner is akin to digging your hand into a bucket of pegs and pulling out a random one to fill an unknown hole. You are the unknown hole; the peg is the chosen life partner. Now, here’s the good bit…

Know Thyself…

Yep, it’s true that most people don’t even know themselves before settling down with the first random partner that comes along. People that live this way generally will concede that they are not suited for each other only after having wasted a year or two of their lives trying to fill a hole they don’t even know. So to speak. Before then moving on to the next random partner.

Speaking of ‘holes’, those that are more selective in their approach to choosing intimate partners are accused of living a life whereby ‘any hole’s a goal.’ And some are. But some are not. Some, like me, are polyamorous. I have a theory about this. I call it my ‘Oysters And Pearls’ theory. Read on…

Oysters And Pearls

You see, when it comes to relationships, there are two kinds of people in this world: ‘weepers’ and ’seekers’. Now, before I explain that, let’s first pretend that all the millions of potential partners in this world are oysters. And that only a few of them contain a pearl.

Firstly, what the ‘weepers’ do is they grab the first oyster that comes their way and they open it up, hoping it contains a pearl, and, realising it doesn’t, they close the oyster, and say, Oh well, if I love it and caress it, and do everything I can for it, then surely, a pearl will appear. So they kiss it, caress it, put it on a pedestal, do everything for it, and then open it again, hoping a pearl has appeared. But still no pearl.

So they close it again, they kiss it, caress it, put it on a pedestal, do everything for it, and then open it, once again hoping a pearl has appeared. Still no pearl. Eventually, the oyster gets bored from all the pressure and waiting around, and the weeper ends up losing the oyster, and then they cry, lamenting that they hate oysters, that they’re all the same and how they’ll never find the right oyster for them. With me?

Now, the ’seekers’, they understand that there are millions of oysters out there, they realise that only a few contain a pearl, and they reason that, by logic, they’ll have to go through a lot of oysters before they find one with a pearl. So they find an oyster, have some fun, realise there’s no pearl, put it down again, and move on to the next oyster. Have some fun, open it up, realise there’s no pearl, put it down, then move on to the next oyster. But they know that with each oyster they find that doesn’t contain a pearl, it brings them closer to one that does.

And with each oyster they find, they learn more about life, and they become better at understanding oysters, so that they can ultimately spend less and less time with each oyster they find before realising it doesn’t contain a pearl. And when they do eventually find an oyster with a pearl, they’ll know exactly what to do to keep hold of it. I’m a seeker. My question to you is, are you a weeper or a seeker?

Well, What Are You – Weeper Or Seeker?

The thing about relationships – on ANY level, be it intimate, business or friendship – is that value attracts equal value. You cannot attract lovers, wealth, business partners or friends of a higher value that you currently hold. I can testify to this. I have had people enter my life – business people, women, and friends, who then promptly left, when realising I was too low value for them. And rightly so, too.

My life purpose is to travel the world with a laptop under my arm, guitar on my back, and a surfboard on the roof rack, living the playboy lifestyle, immersing myself in the cultures, languages, religions, beliefs, histories, philosophies, cuisines, fashions, music, art, writings, cities and beaches of the world.

I will, over the next five to ten years, cover the entire globe, soaking it all up, developing my own philosophy, and becoming the man whose image is cemented in my mind. I see this world and the way people are, and it angers me. I want to be the man – along with those that join me along the way – that steers it in the right direction. Toward a destination for the betterment of the human race.

I won’t plug-in to the system like the rest of society; I despise the system, everything it creates, and the sheep it breeds. I want to ultimately replace the system with a much more free way of living.

At thirty five to forty years old, when I settle down a wise man, with the right woman, and a beautiful family, somewhere exotic and simple, somewhere that has grabbed me on my travels, somewhere hot, on a white beach, with waves fit for surfing, with a lovely community – not too far from the city, will my life’s work will truly begin, raising amazing kids to continue from where I will someday leave off…

And in response to this, people invariably comment, “What if you meet the ‘right one’ now? Noone can know when they will meet them.” Well, actually, you can. At least, I can. And I can tell you, when I meet the woman I’m to spend the rest of my life with, it’ll be because I’m good and ready – and not a moment sooner. But how can I be so sure?

A Controversial Point (Read This)

Well, I’m a long way from being the man I want to be. My value right now pales significantly in comparison to the value I’ll hold by the time I settle down at thirty five to forty years old. But my value is increasing daily, and by the time I’m ready to settle, it’ll be because I have reached that value, and ready to move on to the next phase of my life, with the right person.

So anyone I attract into my life now, be it lover, business partner, friend, etc – will likely be of equal value to me. And as I grow, and my value surpasses theirs, I’ll have to let them go, since they won’t be able to help me grow AND they won’t be able to help me build what I want to build.

It sounds harsh, but to live a life of an open door, where anyone of any arbitrary value can wander in and sit in your chair, is akin to swimming in a sewer open-mouthed. You’re doing yourself no favours. Respect yourself, your goals, your path, and, ultimately, the value which you are aiming to hold.

To live a life where you attract people of equal value, keeping only those that are equal, is to live a life of honesty, integrity, respect and passion. It’s perfectly human to strive for greater value, and for people of equally great value. This is what being a humanpreneur is all about. And for me, when I’m ready to settle down with ‘Ms Right’, it’ll be when I am of super-high value, with a woman of equally high value whom, like me, is always aiming to increase her value further.

So how many oysters did you go through before settling for your current partner? One or two? And is there a chance that one can find their pearl-laden oyster so early on? Is it possible to find someone on the same path as themselves after opening only a handful of oysters? Of course. That’s called luck. In the same way that you could roll a one hundred-sided die, and roll a one hundred on your first roll, so you could find your life partner so soon.

Don’t Wallow In The Shallow End…

Everyone – at least most people – start in the shallow end, where the demands are modest, the expectations are small, and the value is low. The shallow end is full of the small fish, and, undeniably, there is a chance you could encounter another fish that’s swimming for the deep end. It’s small, but it’s still a chance.

But to live your life in the shallow end, hoping you’ll bump into another, like, fish of similar ambitions, is to concede low value, and with it, the repelling of someone that is swimming for the deep end. Instead, you’d just end up attracting one dream-less, low value fish after another. And the shallow end is full of them. To truly attract a fish swimming for the deep end, you have to be swimming for the deep end, yourself. Quite simply, value attracts value.

Fish analogies aside, you may think I’m I promoting a life of random, non-stop bedpost-knotching. No, sex should be a celebration of value for – and between – two or more (or just yourself) people; it should be a respect for each other’s value or values.

The man that sleeps with prostitutes and the woman who constantly gets beaten by her partners – are both examples of a person who values themselves very cheaply, and therefore attracts equal value partners into their lives. Things can go two ways, here. They can maintain the same value for themselves (or lower), and continue their life of self-defilement. Or they can choose to raise their value, and hence climb out of their pit of poison and into a loftier view, thus attracting like, higher value partners.

A Final Word…

Remember, one plus one equals two. It’s not a half plus a half equals one. The ‘two become one’ romantic ideology is fine if you want to cut yourself in two. Be my guest. But believe me, rather be climbing a mountain alone, than shivering in a cave with a lover. Atop the mountain is where the really good ‘uns are. It’s pretty good fun climbing up, too.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, it’s good to sleep around. Go oyster-hunting, my friend. Find your pearl. If nothing else, it’s just good fun.

To freedom,

Scotty Stevens
The Humanpreneur
"mecum et incipio et finio"

Disclaimer: As per my Terms And Conditions, this post reflects my philosophy at the time of writing, and may not necessarily correlate with my life's outlook as you read it, now.

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